This week, another miracle has been added to the tall tower of miracles that have been blessing our lives this past several months.
It was about a year ago that my husband and I discussed his changing career paths. And though at first I resisted, I felt the hand of God patiently urging me to go ahead. I knew, and my husband knew, that this was the right choice at the right time for our family. We felt directed and we made the choice. Mark had put out a couple of resumes before, but then began to send out hundreds over the summer and fall. Yet, there was barely a nibble in response.
Time passed and the expected blessing didn't come. There was no new job. So my husband started working part-time. After a couple of months, I started working too. I worked nights and he worked days and sometimes we barely saw each other. But we did see the boys and we were both able to have several hours a day with them.
It was a dark time November, December and January, despite the mini-miracles and tender mercies that blessed us. The one, big blessing we felt had been promised months ago had not happened. But we would not let go of our faith. We knew God would be faithful. We knew he would bless us. We saw him blessing us, daily. He sustained us with food, enough money for bills, and through the generosity of others we had an abundance of gifts at Christmas time. We knew he was blessing us, but our path was dark and obscured and sometimes it felt really...hard. There were times I whined to God in my prayers. But as I would study the scriptures I found verse after verse that told me not to doubt and that I must trust. So I wrapped my fingers around those verses and gripped as hard as I could. I would get worried sometimes, and feel panicky. Then I would grasp all the harder.
During those months, as I drove an hour each way to work, in the cold and dark and often in stormy weather, I would listen to the Christian radio station. There were so many songs I found that lifted my spirits and reminded me that others had struggled before me. God had rescued them. I knew he had rescued me before and I should trust that I would not be abandoned this time.
As I write, now, my husband has a job that will support our family. We have a contract to sell our house without even needing to list with a Realtor. We have a contract on a house in our new city and it will be closed within days of the sale of our house here. It is working out so perfectly! Why did I doubt? Why did I worry?
Was it hard? Absolutely, stinkin' hard.
Did I like it? Noooooo!
Was I scared? Oh, yeah!
Many times as I looked at my bank balance or in my refrigerator, my heart would beat so fast, seeing so little in there. But it was all taken care of. I never went hungry, the bills were paid ( a couple were a bit late, but they were paid ), and my family is intact. I feel that we have a stronger sense of unity and trust in Heaven.
So I wanted to share one of the songs that got me through the dark nights. It is a song by Josh Wilson, called "Before the Morning". Here is the link to the music video on youtube ( http://youtu.be/New8i_eX3x8 ) and also to a 10min explanation about his friend's situation that led to the writing of the song:
( http://youtu.be/0704_oGFX1w ).
I also wanted to share some of the words from "Before the Morning" that I held onto like an iron rod during that time:
Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you,
If there's a God who loves you, where is he now?
But maybe, there are things you can't see. And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending, someway, somehow, you'll see, you'll see.
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling can't compare with the joy that's coming.
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light,
Press on and just fight the good fight,
Cause the pain that you've been feeling is just the dark before the morning.
My friend, you know how this all ends, and you know where you're going
You just don't know how you'll get there. So say a prayer!
And hold on. Cause there's good for those who love God.
Life is not a snapshot. It just takes a little time, and you'll see the bigger picture.
Would you dare, would you dare to believe...
So I ask, if you are in a dark place now, if you would dare to believe. Dare to hope. Dare to trust and try. Because I know that there is a God out there, your Heavenly Father who loves you and wants so much to bless you. But maybe this is your dark before the morning, the hurt before the healing, the battle before the victory.
Let yourself trust in the Lord, and lean on him for strength, and trust that this too shall pass. And when you are able to breathe again, turn around, survey what you have just endured, look for God's hand in it all. When you see the small good or the great miracle, then share your story. Bear your testimony. Give praises to the One who sailed you across the great deep or divided the sea for you to pass through.
I give thanks especially this weekend as tomorrow is Good Friday, the darkest day in history when mankind killed their God's beloved Son. He was burdened with our transgressions on a Thursday night and then humbly suffered and died in the midst of mocking the next day. How dark those few days were!
But then came the glorious resurrection! The hope! The light! The dawn!
We are saved because another went into the deepest night for us. For me. He overcame the darkness and waits with an outstretched hand to guide and comfort me through my own black moments and dark hours. I can trust in him, because he has already overcome.
Precious is his promise that I can overcome too, as I trust in him, come to him, follow him. Will I dare to believe?
I will. I will reach out for his hand and I will lean on his ever strong arm. And I know, however long the dark night, he will guide me, carry me into the morning.